It’s that time – time for the pearls of wisdom that drop from the mouth of my 13 year old son like, well, pearls.
Conversation #1
The wee fella said – after I gave him a good morning hug as he approached the breakfast table (well, THE table. I don’t have a table for like, every meal) – Daaad, your breath stinks – pause – and your teeth are yellow.
Me – that was harsh.
The wee fella grins – it’s called tough love – grins even wider and finishes with – Bitch!
Conversation #2
It’s my latest health kick (for the record I’m 24 pounds lighter since Easter. Go me!) and I give myself one day per week off the healthy stuff and eat absolutely anything I want. On this occasion I had a pizza – grand pan, meat feast – from a well known pizza chain. I’d mention them by name but I want some freebies first. (You know who you are. See my agent. Please.) Washed down with lashings of cola. From another well known company. Same rules apply, Company Beginning with P.
I was munching into said pizza and fancied a wee top up to my cola. The cola was in the kitchen. I couldn’t be arsed going for it. I never ask the wee fella to be my gopher as I used to hate it when I was a kid. Besides, in the few occasions I have made such a request he moans like I’ve asked him to do a shift up a chimney. However, I had my sloth on and thought I would give it a go.
Me – could you fill up my glass, son? (I point helpfully to the cola bottle visible through the kitchen door.
TWF – (grunts, stands up) S’pose.
Me – after he has poured a paltry two fingers worth – thanks.
TWF – Why didn’t you get it for yourself?
Me – I wanted to see if you would do something for me.
TWF – I do something for you every day, Dad. (BIG grin) I give you a reason to live.
Well done to TWF, every Faither needs tough love and a reason to live !
ReplyDeletehe called you a bitch????
ReplyDeleteMy son is fourteen. Can't call him the wee fella, though, as he's a good three inches taller than I am.
ReplyDeleteFor fun I'm going to "get my sloth on" today and see if I can get him to bring me something. :D
Ain't that the truth, Ricky.
ReplyDeleteDez, you hear it in a lot of American movies these days. It was a wee joke. He knows better.
YAY, LG go for it. Report back.
No, totally backfired. He's the one that got his sloth on (my new favorite saying, btw). He went on a long bike ride and got too hot. Made ME go get HIM with the car. That's what I get for scheming.
ReplyDeleteAt least he made an effort and went part way on his bike. Try again tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHe's a star, that wee fella!
ReplyDeleteWee fellas are terrific. Wait 'til he turns 31 ... conversatn gets even better.
ReplyDeletein the US, it's Father's Day, Michael. So happy Father's Day! btw, your response to his 'reason to live' statement might have been 'i gave you life and i can take it away, too' We spend much of our lives waiting for the wee ones to grow out of one rather ugly faze to another then after they're grown up, we wish they were still little. then they do something goofus and we remember they aren't our problem anymore. i wonder if my daughters in law know that there are times when i gaze upon them and think 'suckers!' lol sort of just kiddin! hehe
ReplyDeleteHey, Linda. 31? Eeeesh, I'll be ancient then.
ReplyDeleteThea, its Father's Day here too. And every day being a dad is a great one! (cheesy but true)
I wonder where he gets his wisdom from?
ReplyDeleteBill, I'm thinking South Park. Or Homer Simpson.
ReplyDeleteOMG, he really is a wise one, isn't he? Here I am just in time for a wee lad post. Just getting the internet un-suspended and will be home within a couple weeks. I've missed you guys.
ReplyDeleteHere's a gem from my 12-yar-old nephew to his mother a couple of months ago:
ReplyDelete"I had to pull myself up to escape your smoking wreckage of parenting."
======================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Hey Peter, that's hilarious! Kids are just too knowing these days.
ReplyDeleteHa, I was just going to say "kids are too smart these days" but you beat me to it. Mine is 8 and talks like a teenager. I don't know what I'll be in for in a few years. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteHi Wendy, thanks for popping by. My son spoke like a teenager since he learned his first words. My advice: be ready for anything.
ReplyDelete