Friday, 26 November 2010

Word from the frozen north...

...he says with irony cos here in Ayrshire we don't have any snow.

Where's it gone? The news is full of the white stuff and my environs (I'm a writer, I can use words like that) are clear of it. Well, that's not quite 100% true - there was some frozen powdery stuff sprinkled on my back step this morning - if there was a collective pronoun for this event it would be called an embarrassment of snow. It was as if someone with heavy dandruff was standing there while furiously saying no to something.

Probably saying no to the royal wedding. As in "NOOOO, gonnae stop talking about it."

The news here is full of it. What's it like elsewhere across the globe? I gather you Americans are loving it.


I don't have a problem with William and Kate. They seem like a nice couple, if you like that kind of thing and I wish them well. What gets my goat is the way it is reported. Our media have a tone that is so obsequious - see earlier for note on big words - I half expect them to offer sick-bags with their news bulletins.

One BBC reporter I heard - just before I turned the TV off by throwing a brick at it - was talking over an African view and how the couple visited this place on holiday and how Wills might have proposed.

Now I'm paraphrasing here because I'm getting old and my memory isn't what it was - but said reporter was talking about how they were in this beautiful spot on safari - the camera pans across the african veldt - and in soft tones that were aiming for respect and admiration, but stumbled over cloying before crashing headlong into vomit-inducing, said something about the billions of people who would watch the royal wedding while there was no-one here to witness the proposal apart from perhaps a group of curious wildebeest.

We then get a view of a bloody big African cow, vacantly chewing on some African grass. It wouldn't know curious if it jumped on the back of a lion and shouted YUHOO, I'M GONNA EAT YA.

The reporter thought she was being cute. I thought she was being an arse.

Meanwhile, apropos of nothing really apart from my wish to talk about ME. (It's all about me, frankly.) On my publisher's blog  - get me, I have a publisher - they are talking about names - and mine in particular. Have a wee read HERE. Leave them a message and tell them you are going to buy SO many books.



  1. Willy looks great with a Mohawk :) Maybe he should really adopt that hairdo before he looses all his hair like his daddy. He is starting to look more and more like him and less and less like Diana.

    Congrats once again on getting a publisher, or are they the ones who got you :)

  2. It's snowing here now. But then it is Poland. We have a house full of the better half's home made wine, so not complaining. Royal weddings, eh? What's that all about? Like a less talented X Factor(which I've never seen)

  3. Dez, I agree on Will's look.

    Paul - home made wine? Nice.

  4. First, let me begin with the really important stuff ... namely, your name. Just wondering: does your middle name begin with "J?" If so, what does the "J" stand for and can it be linked to "crime?" I publish mysteries using my middle initial "M" (my website says my middle name is "mystery") and nonfiction without a middle initial--I use the different variations of my name for the purpose of distinguishing [to my many fans :)] the specific genre of the book.

    Now, for that other subject. My son (who is, coincidentally, named Michael J(oseph) Murphy) called me today to announce his engagement to be married to a lovely young woman named Alyssa. Why isn't the world talking about his pending nuptuals? Especially in light of the facts that Michael is far handsomer than Will and possesses a superior haircut!

  5. Hey good news for Michael and Alyssa!!

    And in answer to your question, your son and I share the same first two names.

  6. Still working on how to link that "J" to crime so you have a neat tagline. Will let you know if I come up with anything...

    P.S. We have 15+ inches of the white stuff in my front yard ... all since last Monday.

  7. I liked Homer J Simpson's delight when he found the J stood for Jay.

    Now can we please stop talking about this bloody wedding, which is going to cost us - yes, us, not them - a bloody fortune, as will their offspring and ... (mutter, mutter, groan, moan).

    And, in case the myth that William will be breaking the mould is gaining credence, remember his comment when asked about how well the concert for his mum was going. 'It's great. All these LITTLE PEOPLE (sic) are running around ...' He was, of course, referring to his mother's "subjects".