Monday, 13 June 2011

The Last Meal

I was walking along the wooded path with Bob. He was tracking the scent of something or other in the long grass. Clearly it was something that couldn’t decide where it wanted to go as he was moving back and forward with no discernable pattern.  My mind was drifting in a similar pattern. As it has a wont to do. Often on these occasions it drifts to writerly things – a description, a plot device or even a metaphor. On this occasion it was the later that sprang into my mind and I instantly dismissed it ‘cos it was rubbish. I can’t remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of  - like a dog attacking it’s last meal.

I mean, how the feck would a dog know it was its last meal? Sheesh. I gave the old sub-conscious a ticking off. What was I supposed to do with a crap phrase like that?

Then my mind tracked on to the subject of last meals. Convicts on death row get them, if the novels I’ve read are to be believed.  So, would a con “attack” his last meal? Would he/she even enjoy his/ her last meal? What would I want for my last supper? Fillet steak, chunky chips and a mars bar on the side? Foie gras? (I’d be beyond being p.c. after all) Amuse bouche? One thing’s for sure I’d want to taste every one of the desserts on the menu and wash that down with LOTS of chocolate. Until I was sick.

But would I? Would I be able to eat anything? Wouldn’t the thought of my impending execution put just a bit of a dampener on my appetite?

(If you ever see me out walking the dog and I’m wearing that distant – and yet intelligent expression, you’ll know that my mind has taken me down some very strange paths indeed.)

What about you dear reader? The end is nigh via an injection of toxins. Would you have an attack of the munchies and what would you have? Or would you only be fit for gnawing at your toenails?


  1. Can't remember what show I saw it on now (some sort of CSI thing), but they had a guy order a peanut butter and jam/jelly sandwich for his last meal. He had a nut allergy, so got kill himself and not give them the satisfaction. Cool plot device.

    It takes a lot to put me off my food, but I think this could do it.

  2. It is a bit cruel offering someone an unlimited menu on the one day they are likely too preoccupied to eat anything at all.

    I would order all desserts.

  3. You should read one of my favourite short stories collections SPEAKING WITH THE ANGEL edited by Nick Hornby. It features short story of many famous people, including an amazing one by Colin Firth, and it also has a story about an older lady who cooks last meals to convicts.

    My last meal would include tones of salty things :)

  4. Barb, that is such a good idea.

    L.G. - I'd need a steak first - and then I'd have all the desserts.

    So you have a savoury tongue rather than a sweet one, Dez. What would be on your menu?

  5. all kinds of salty rolls, buns ...
    probably some breaded and fried cheese ...
    maybe some Serbian gibanica :) Click here to see what it is:

    It's strange to most people who have been eating, tasting and buying my cakes regularly that I'm actually not eating much sweet food, I prefer savoury :)

  6. Linda, methinks you are pulling my leg.

  7. Good old roll n sausage for me.

  8. Izzat it, Ricky?

    Red or brown sauce?

  9. Summat really chewy... to drag it out a bit.
    Or, maybe, a Tindaloo curry, so I could drop a few deadly farts and watch the executioner's eyes twitch...

    Love the peanut allergy angle.

    See, Michael, that germ of an idea wasn't so ludicrous as it first seemed.

  10. Dez, I'm liking the idea of the Gibanica. I think the sweet version would be more my kinda thing.

    Col, you're right. S'funny where your mind takes you sometimes, innit? And I reckon if you had a curry - combined with nerves - the wind would be something terrible.

  11. My last meal would be huge! Krispy Kreme doughnuts, sushi, Mongolian beef, fried chicken, broccoli with lemon juice and butter, and a big old bottle of orange Gatorade!---Ty Treadwell, author of Last Suppers: Famous Final Meals from Death Row

  12. Ty, I thought you were pulling my leg till I tracked down your blog -

    Great minds and all that.

  13. Michael, Your astuteness is astounding!