May Contain...a rant or two

Let’s imagine this wee scenario...one of the most prestigious newspapers in the country runs an article in their lifestyle section entitled: 25 Reasons to Hate Women. The article goes on to list the promised 25 items that are puerile and clichéd. In essence it’s something we’ve all read in those chain emails. You know – the ones that say send this to 25 friends and to any woman you know with a sense of humour. However, this time it’s been given the sheen of respectability by one of the broadsheets. But we all see the “fun” side of this - read the “truth” in the items and nod and laugh and tell our pals so that they can all read, nod, laugh and then pass it on to their pals. Oh how mature we all are. How we congratulate ourselves that we are able to see the lighter side of life.

Not going to happen is it?

Rightly so, people (both women and men) would be emailing their MP, boycotting the newspaper and the social networks would be alight with fury as everyone vents their indignation.

Let’s now turn this on its head because the very first part of this posting did happen at the weekend. It was The Times and they published an article entitled 25 Reasons to Hate Men. With the promised 25 puerile and clichéd “fun” reasons as to why men should be the focus of women’s hate.

A day later and someone at the newspaper has had a re-think. Perhaps we’re being a tad harsh, they might have said. So they have another look at the article and ...they change the title. It’s now called “The Trouble With Men”.

Oh, that’s alright then.

Naw it iznae.

If that article had been written about ANY other section of society they would have been in deep do-dah. They would have been up to their necks in lawsuits and quite possibly the boys in blue would have been knocking on their door bearing a charge of Hate Crime. But it’s about men. They can take it. They’ve been cowed into submission. Broad shoulders and all that.

Fuck that.

Oh, I know – you’re possibly sitting there and thinking, oh here he goes again.

It’s time to stop this shite. It’s not smart, it’s not clever, and it cheapens us all. C’mon people, we’re better than this. Aren’t we?

The encouraging thing for me is that many of the comments that followed this piece of regurgitated crap – apart from one or two fuckwits – are from both women and men questioning the IQ of the brain dead marshmallow head that thought it was worth publishing.

As for the people at The Times...shame on you.

Go here ...

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article7065699.ece

...and give vent to your indignant side...I’m off upstairs to push the toilet seat up, while farting loudly, scratching my nuts and piling up coins as I go.

A fine state of affairs...

Yet another reason why I won’t ever be buying The Mail was provided by columnist, Liz Jones with an ill-considered, sexist and hateful piece of writing entitled “The Modern Male he’s softer than a slug with a beer belly.”

Cut and paste and read for yourself - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1221088/LIZ-JONES-The-modern-male-s-softer-slug-beer-belly.html

I can just imagine her glee when she came across a review of a book by Australian anthropologist, Peter McAllister called Manthropology. The central argument of this book is that following the measurement of a set of fossilised footprints the author's view is that the modern version of Homo Sapiens is in the sorriest state he has ever been in. This if course gave Ms Jones the excuse she was looking for to indulge in a spot of man-bashing.

She clearly (and conveniently) ignored the part of the book that talked about the change in roles over the millennia which means that men no longer need to go chasing deer with a spear and are therefore no longer required to run faster than Usain Bolt. She has also conveniently ignored the fact that society in general has gotten fatter and lazier in her rush to have a go at blokes.

Full of petty generalisations her article complains about modern man’s inability to change a light bulb or make love to a woman. “Honestly,’ she complains, ‘the number of times I’ve wanted to exclaim when prone, put your back into it, man.” My advice: try some endearments, pet - it might make your man feel less like he’s humping the fridge.

She finishes her rant by saying “What sad poor creatures modern men are. What wimps. What wastes of space.”

Let’s try a wee experiment. Replace the word “men” in that first sentence with “women”, “Blacks”, “Asians”. What do you think the response might have been? Why is it deemed OK to have a go at one section of society in that manner? Would the article ever have gotten past the legal department?

As a wee side issue it is interesting to note that when Jan Moir published her piece of tripe about Stephen Gately the shitstorm on Twitter and Facebook was well-represented by men regardless of their sexual preference. For Liz Jones’ slice of bigotry the response has been muted by comparison. It seems men are happier to defend their gay brothers than they are to defend themselves. (Liz generously exempted gay men from her diatribe.) As they say in the US, go figure.

For what it’s worth, Liz I get it, you’ve been let down by men in the past. No-one envies you a philandering partner, but it’s time to be a big girl, wipe off the snot and get on with your life. I assure you it will be a whole lot easier if you are not full of bile for half of society.

Celebrate the Differences

Driving to work this morning and a wee black bird flew across my path, with a twig as long as its own body gripped in its beak. As it sped across my vision a spot of white splattered on to my windscreen. Ah hah, methinks...while building his new home he manages to save time and have (how can I put this tactfully?) a dump while still on the wing. I say “he” deliberately, to demonstrate that the male of the species can indeed multi-task.
I can’t stand sexual stereotypes. Just because I happen to have been born with a penis any partners I’ve had (both of them) have expected me to be handy with a screwdriver. Bollocks to that. I’m unashamedly crap at doing any of that kind of stuff. If I was in the scouts I’d have a “Cannae Be Arsed” badge and frankly I’d rather pierce my scrotum with a fishhook than do D.I.Y.
And if I hear accusations of “man flu” at the next guy in the office with the sniffles, I swear I’m going to lose it. Women can be equally as pathetic when they’re not feeling well, so get over it ladies. Anyway, back to the wee bird and the multi-tasking. Which reminds me of something else that sets the GRRRR reflex on maximum – clichés like “multi-tasking”...
...the action of performing several tasks similtaneously is something we men can do with ease. Let me prove it to you. The other morning while I was on the toilet, I read a chapter of a book. Other things I can do while I’m on the throne...cut my finger nails...wipe dust from the shelf that holds my aftershave...pluck my nose hairs. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera. Although with the last action timing is something you have to be very wary of. It’s difficult to (how can I put this tactfully?) squeeze and pluck at the same time. To be avoided while in public lavatories. Passing strangers may be alarmed at the sound effects.
Still on the issue of stereotypes...while I was watching some TV the other day with my 11 year old son he asked a question. ‘Dad, why is it that in these adverts the man is always being made a fool of?’ His face was screwed tight with indignation. ‘It’s just not fair, Dad. How would women like it if it was them?’
This got me thinking and got me alarmed. I don’t want my son to grow up with that sort of mind-washing. Next time you’re watching a channel that shows adverts, count the ones that go for “humour” where the man is the butt of the joke. Now I fully understand and agree where in the past the powers that be stopped the portrayal of women as sex objects in this very medium. Women quite rightly were concerned at the mindset this might engender. So why is it okay to repeatedly portray the male as a buffoon? In these adverts the woman is always strong, assertive and capable of making the right decision (and why not?) but the counterpoint to this is a male who is inept, idiotic and feeble.
Advertising is an amazingly powerful medium. One that companies budget a spend of billions of pounds each year to entice us to spend our hard-earned on their product. If it didn’t work they wouldn’t spend a penny.
One of my “favourites” is one for a company that sells spectacles (Oh, lets name/ shame them: Specsavers). The “action” culminates with every member of the family turning to the man, who has been set up as the idiot who has lost his village, and saying in that tone, ‘Oh, Daaaaad.’ Makes me want to track down the clown that came up with it and multi-task a screwdriver up their arse.
...and breathe...
In any case, why can’t we just dispense with all this sex war nonsense? Colour me purple and call me naive but surely after thousands of years of evolution we can learn to live together without bunging our brains up with all that crap?
If sexual stereotypes are your thing you could argue that women (in general) watch crap TV, follow the blue line on the map (ie the river) and wonder why they got lost, and when it comes to parking are shite. Men (in general) can’t multi-task, are crap at housework and end up trashing their baby son’s new cot because they don’t know one end of the screwdriver from the other.
I say we’re different. Get over it.