Friday, 12 February 2010

Nut News

A newspaper recently reported on a study that had reached the conclusion being stupid could lose you as much as seven years from your life expectancy. Begs the question; could a fairly intelligent person who suffers from a long string of occasional blond moments expect to have his life shortened by say, three and a half years? And yes, before I reached a state of permanent follicular challenge I was blonde, so you can stop calling me a colourist. Question 2, how can I, ehm I mean how can this theoretical individual combat this? Dose up with Gingko Biloba? Watch endless re-runs of University Challenge? Or should he just bitch-slap both his parents for giving him excess stupid capacity?

On the whole stupid thing, the Chilean mint issued a new coin recently. A 50 peso coin. And a life-expectancy-challenged individual designed the coin with the name of the country reading CHIIE.

( For all those people reading this whose days are running out it should have read CHILE.)

What about animals not blessed with a human sized brain? Do they lose out on their numbered days? The reason I ask is that a seven-point buck was found dead in Viroqua, Wis., in November. After losing a head-butting contest with a cement-statue stag. Ramming contests are common during mating season, and the cement buck was about the same size as the dead one - thus explaining the confusion but unfortunately for Mr Seven-Point weighed about three times as much.

This is me smiling with GLEE ‘cos I get to report on more stupidity. And there ain’t nothing more satisfying than stupidity sparked by political correctness. The Telegraph reported the other day that an English primary school has banned Valentine's Day cards from the premises because of concerns that young pupils spend too much time talking about boyfriends and girlfriends.

Ashcombe Primary School in Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset, has told parents that cards declaring love can be “confusing” for children under the age of 11, who are still emotionally and socially developing.

In his February newsletter, Peter Turner, the head teacher, warned that any cards found in school would be confiscated.

Before I check into my usual knee-jerk state when it comes to all things PC... allow me to run with this. Does the teacher have a point? Should we also ban Xmas cards on the basis that someone is bound to get left out and then feel socially excluded? From there it’s only a hop, skip and full-throated jump to banning birthday parties. Surely, the potential for exclusion is much more noticeable here. If you’re the child who is not invited to the party of the year how bad are you going to feel that you didn’t get to overdose on e-numbers and cake? How stunted is your emotional and social development going to be? The potential for disaster here is surely of biblical proportions.

Is my tongue so firmly pressed against my cheek that it’s about to go into cramp? Or have I just lost six months of my life?


  1. Um, on the picture taking thing. For me it would depend on what the seller looks like nekid. :)) Maybe we should have Mr. Turner set the rules about that.

    10 to 1 he's acting out because he never got a Valentine when he was in school.

  2. Forgot. cake's served. I'll send you the recipe and the Queen of Chaos can bake it. ;))

  3. COOL. QoC could bake it, I would just have to supply all the ingredients, all the implements, oh and the kitchen. .

  4. Did you see the picture at the bottom of that blog? Did it make your mouth water?