Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Books, glorious books...

This is me happy as a pig ‘n shit and like a pup with two tails. Some lovely publisher types have sent me some free copies to review for www.crimesquad.com.

Can anyone think of a plausible excuse so I can take some time off work to read all of these?

Lemme see who’s on the pile...

Robert Crais- The First Rule (4 March 2010). Frank Meyer walked away from the life as a merc ten years ago. Armed men break into his house and gun him and his entire family down. Big mistake. Frank’s friend was Joe Pike and he’s on the hunt for everyone involved. Nobody, I mean NOBODY kicks ass like Joe!

First line – “Frank Meyer closed his computer as the early winter darkness fell over his home in Westwood, California.”

Brian McGilloway – The Rising (2 April 2010) Ben Devlin (that rarity – a happily married fictional detective) is on the hunt for drug dealers and a neighbour’s missing child. Compromises he is forced to make on the job are badly affecting his family.

First line – “I should have kissed Debbie and the kids goodbye before I left the house.”

Tony Black – Loss (7 January 2010) Gus Drury is off the streets and back with his missus. AND off the bottle. Then his brother goes and gets killed. Bit of a bugger that.

First line – “Calls in the middle of the night rarely bring good news.”

Christopher G Moore – Paying Back Jack (oops, that was out in December 2009) I’ve not read any of this guy, but we have a detective called Calvino in Bangkok uncovering political intrigue and stuff. What’s not to like?

First line – “Calvino’s last sports jacket was ruined when Nicky “the Toad” Marras’s blood splattered over the lapel and down the pocket.”

Joseph Wambaugh – Hollywood Moon (21 January 2010) The man who brought us The Choirboys is back. I’ve not read any of his stuff for yonks and I’m REALLY looking forward to this one.

First line – “Hollywood Nate rents midgets,” the long-legged, sunbaked surfer cop whom the others called Flotsam said to his partner while 6-X-32 was passing Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, cruising east on Hollywood Boulevard at twilight.”

David Hosp – Among Thieves – we have Boston’s underworld, art theft, the IRA, a young boy, aged 9 who saw his entire family murdered who has now grown up and is going HULK on any fucker he can find (hey, I should write up some book blurbs...any publishers out there interested? Gimme a call. I can do cheap.)

First line – “Liam Kilbranish looked down at the lump of flesh curled in front of him on the cement floor.”

This is me racking my brain...excuses...excuses...excuses...

1) I’m staying in to do my hair.

2) My back is really, really hairy and it is annoying me.

3) My in-grown toenail turned sceptic after I tripped over that sausage.

4) The wee fella’s never had the chance to make a snow angel. We should do it before he becomes a teenager because then he’ll be deeply embarrassed by me lying in the snow.

5) Tesco.com can’t give me a delivery time, and I need to eat, right?

6) I have like, all this gunk coming out of my nose.

7) I drank some Dr Pepper and the worst really did happen. (I could go vague here – if I give specifics nobody will believe me.)

Which one do you think would work best? Can you come up with something better?




  1. definitely no. 5 - nobody argues with green gunk - but if they want a dr. note...problem. might be best to go in, look long suffering, then ask to go home. yeah, i was a manager! but you've gots lots to read and write about. though i must say, only a couple of these first lines had a decent hook.

  2. Hi Michael,
    Nice to catch up with your blog and see it thriving with witty posts and appreciative followers, good on you. Hope you are fully recovered after your ankle injury. 2010 will be your published year I'm sure of it.Best Wishes

  3. Thea - totally agree. As first lines go some of these were weak. The rest of the paragraph made up for it though.

    Ros - nice to hear from you and thanks for the good wishes. From your keyboard to God's ear.

  4. I think Thea meant no. 6 - as far as I can see, it's the only one they'll believe.
    But I do agree with Ros re. 2010 being the year you burst upon the scene in all your glory. I'm looking forward to it.

  5. Just say you have a head cold because you can no longer wear your hat as every single person this week has laughed at your oh so trendy and chic wee number!!!!!!!!!

  6. Thanks, Bill yurrapal.

    Anonymous - you huvnae a clue. Somebody told me THIS VERY DAY that my hat was sexy. So there.

  7. How about the wee fella has been offered early entry as a University prodigy but they had to interview him this week. Unfortunately, they had his birthdate incorrect and once you arrived even though they went ahead and scheduled him for a guaranteed interview at some time in the future (when you will get more books from Crimesquad) he is too young at this time by about 6 months. Though we all know he's smart enough!!

    Can't wait to read your review of Crais' and Hosp's books.

    This IS your year!

  8. cheers, Marley. I hope when you had lunch with the Pres and Michelle that you told them May Contain Nuts was required reading?