You couldn't make this shit up...

Also...
Thousands of dead starfish (1, 2, 3, awwww) covered a stony beach over a mile-long stretch at Budleigh Salterton, East Devon. A line of the creatures stretched for more than a mile across the pebbles

The reason for this mass death? One expert said the process of reproduction had left the starfish "tired out" (better word might have been “shagged”) and they had been left "susceptible" to tides and the wind.

This is me not sniggering and resisting all sorts of teenage comments.



From The Times...

When a famous tantric guru boasted on television that he could kill another man using only his mystical powers, most viewers either gasped in awe or merely nodded unquestioningly. Sanal Edamaruku’s response was different. “Go on then — kill me,” he said.

Mr Edamaruku had been invited to the same talk show as head of the Indian Rationalists’ Association — the country’s self-appointed sceptic-in-chief. At first the holy man, Pandit Surender Sharma, was reluctant, but eventually he agreed to perform a series of rituals designed to kill Mr Edamaruku live on television. Millions tuned in as the channel cancelled scheduled programming to continue broadcasting the showdown.

First, the master chanted mantras, then he sprinkled water on his intended victim. He brandished a knife, ruffled the sceptic’s hair and pressed his temples. But after several hours of similar antics, Mr Edamaruku was still very much alive — smiling for the cameras and taunting the furious holy man.

“He was over, finished, completely destroyed!” Mr Edamaruku chuckled triumphantly.

Call me old-fashioned, but there’s something unseemly about destroying someone’s (albeit bogus) reputation, and taking so much pleasure in it, dontcha think?



Lost in Translation...

In Wales they look to keep their mother tongue alive and part of their actions to do this is to have all the road signs in English and Welsh.

Which is nice...until a recent road sign printed and displayed near a supermarket read in English... “No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only.”

And underneath it said in Welsh: "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated".

It seems the local council needs a translator to translate the translator.



From The Telegraph...

An actress who was rehearsing a role about a woman who was riddled with debt visited a local credit union. The workers at said Credit Union were happy to regale her with stories of the hapless folk they had to deal with.

One man from the West Midlands, who was believed to have debts of up to £50,000, had a sex change in a desperate bid to avoid debt collectors.

The man, who cannot be named, had got into so much debt that he decided to switch identities completely.

He was thought to have built up the massive debt – around £50,000 – after falling behind on his mortgage payments and credit card bills after losing his job.

Here’s me thinking that no amount of debt removal could induce me to get the danglies removed. What would I scratch first thing in the morning?

It was also revealed that the owner of a 99p store in Wolverhampton had to shut down after penny-pinching customers demanded 1p change.



From my local paper...

A brown hen recently proved that it wasn’t just cats who had the monopoly on having several lives. This wee creature – let’s give her a name – Henny - got hit by a car. Did Henny die? No, but she got her head stuck in the car’s front grille. It was only when the driver stopped at a local shop and another shopper said to him, ‘Is that a hen stuck on to the front of your car?’ that the driver realised he had a hen stuck on to the front of his car.

Genius. You couldn’t make that shit up.