Friday, 16 April 2010

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday may contain nuts, happy birthday...

Would you believe it? May Contain Nuts – my baby – is 1 year old. It seems like it was just yesterday when with just a wee squeeze and an exclamation it plopped out into the world - fully formed, with 10 fingers and toes and barely a hair on its head.

And in the last year it has gurgled, pooped, slept, suffered some teething problems, farted, filled a few nappies worth, learned to support its head on a weak neck, taken a few steps ...and round about now I’m getting bored with the whole “infant” metaphor and I’m going to stop.

Anywho – a whole year! Who’d a thunk it?

When I first started it was all a bit of an adventure in, wooo, I’ve got stuff on the internet I wonder who’ll read it I hope they like it will they hate it will they think I’m an arse...but this quickly turned into a big fat “So What” when it was difficult to tell if anyone was even reading it. See. They don’t tell you in the blog instructions that you could be writing away to your heart’s content with an audience of none. Which is a lonely place to be, let me tell you.

So, a GREAT BIG thank you to everyone out there who regularly visits and comments and makes me feel that what I’m doing is not a complete waste of time. It really does make my day to hear from you.

To celebrate my anniversary I’d like to offer a mystery package to one of you good people out there.

What might be in said mystery package, I hear you ask?

I haven’t a clue yet, I answer. But it will be a mystery. Well, a mystery in the form of a book. And it depends what I can blag from publishers/ authors out there –I might chuck in some of my poems for the deranged among you.

How do you win said mystery package?

Leave me a message.

In this message I want you tell me one thing about yourself that nobody else knows. (I would reciprocate but you guys already know too much about me) I’ll put all the names of the message-leavers in a hat – well not a hat, probably a mug, or a shoe, or maybe there will be so many I’ll need to use a postbag – and the one I pull out gets the mystery package.

It would be ultra smart if some of the regulars who visit and DONT leave a message actually left a message. You know who you are.

So. Leave a message and stand by for some freebies. A mystery of freebies if you will.

It could be YOU.


  1. That white sweater looks nice on you, Michael, but I'm not sure about the basket :))

  2. Many happy returns, squire. Here's to plenty more of the same ...

    Cheers, Dec

  3. Forget about the basket, Dezmond what about the wig!

    Dec, great to hear from you. You the man!

  4. oh, yes, you must tell me which wig-shop you visit, I could buy me a nice red one :)

  5. There is no way I am telling you anything about myself that you don't know already, but I'll give you a book for your mystery package (oo-er) if you want. Happy Birthday you big Mad Dog you. xxxx

  6. See, offer an Aberdonian a free anything - and it'll bring them out of lurkage - and here's the proof. Finding something no-one knows however - that's trickier. Would - very few people know - count? If so - here's mine. After many failed attempts to stop smoking, I finally succeeded after striking a bargain with God - I'd quit the weed if my horse came safely through a tricky operation. He did and I did. Pretty sure that's not really the sort of thing you've got in mind - but the licentious stuff costs more than a free book!
    Have a fab birthday Big Man. Xx

  7. Happy birthday Michael. You already know how much I enjoy reading the crap you put on here but I agree with Gillian about not revealing anything to you. It'd be all over the West of Scotland before you could say 'See that Kirton guy, what a wanker.' But Gilly's pact with God reminds me of a little known event that may cast a different light on the deity.

    In the days when Aberdeen had a football team, my stepson promised God that if He let them win 5-0 against Waterschei in the European Cup-Winners Cup semi-final, he'd actually believe in Him. The result was 5-1. Go figure.

  8. Hi Michael,

    Ok, get this. I once wrote a letter to Jim'll Fix It asking to meet the REAL Superman, not the pretend one in the films, the REAL one.

    Funnily enough Jim couldn't fix that for me !

  9. Gillian, you took the hint...I love it when that happens. Suits the passive aggressive side of my personality.

    Gilly, not what I had in mind. Something potentially damaging would have been more fun. What would 2 free books get me? Still, good news on the horse.

    Bill, I've had similar pacts with Him. Never works. What works is you liking my "crap" you so eloquently put it. And I would never call you a wanker. Very often.

    Ricky, bless your wee cotton socks. Shows ambition though, eh? And a mindset that will never settle for second best. My Jim'll Fix It request was to meet Michael Jackson. But I'm only a couple of years younger than him so it wouldn't have ended well.

  10. Happy blog birthday, Michael. Only a few people know about this - a long, glamorous red wig, and black outfit, a stage and me singing at a big conference. I didn't let on it was me next day.

  11. Go, Rosemary! What did you sing?

  12. Since i have been reading your blog for a year then technically it's my birthday as well in a kinda strange round about way. So send me prezzies!!! Only kiddin Happy Birthday May Contain Nuts. Might not contain nuts but is definitely written by one!!!

  13. Sh... don't tell anyone. I was Julie London singing 'Cry me a River'. And I still have the wig.

  14. Well, I hope the presents haven't been distributed yet since I'm late to wish your blog a belated HBday. Why does it seem like it's been more than a year? More than a years worth of great stuff? Hmm, what don't you know that would be of ANY interest to anyone? A tidbit. In high school I wanted to be the first woman fighter pilot or an astronuat. I used to make my 'wee fella' watch Top Gun every time he came to visit. Now he's in the Navy and I still can't fly. Happy Birthday MCNuts!!!

    We need to pass the word this year so you can get on the Bloggers award nominee list.

  15. Hey Marley - it's never too late. Thanks for the b.wishes.

  16. Happy Anniversary, Michael! It seems more like years I've been reading your blog... anyway, I'm still waiting for Paul McCartney to find me and marry me. No one knows this but yous. Shhhh. t

  17. Thea - we will keep your secret. And only talk about it when P McC is within earshot. OK?

  18. i saw him from afar...once upon a time

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