Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Bits 'n Bobs 'n Buffy

My Hollywood contacts (aye right) tell me that Kuzui Enterprises, who own the rights to Buffy The Vampire Slayer are considering a new movie...without Joss Whedon. Have they lost their fecking minds? Have they taken leave of their fecking senses? Have they been locked up in a bunker in North Korea for the last 3 fecking years? (Have the writers of Father Ted taken over this fecking blog?) It’s like Ben without Jerry, Jerry without Tom or Tom without Nicole – oh wait, that happened, but you can see where I was going with that one.
I have one word for the chumps at Kuzui Enterprises. Noooooooooooooo.
This is not PC – and should come with the sub-heading Too Much Information - but I’m loving the billboard on Whitletts Road, Ayr. To ensure clarity... and fully establish my credentials as a dirty old man, the poster is filled by a pair of tanned, sumptuous breasts wearing a green M&S bra. Hope there aren’t any teenage boys living in the houses opposite. Having said that, with internet availability these days they’ll probably think it’s lame and way too tame. But for men of a certain age, whose only experience of female nudity when they were teenagers was the underwear section of Kays Catalogue, it's genius. Ahh, makes me come over all nostalgic. Not the kind of nostalgia M&S were aiming for methinks. Or then again maybe they were...
What am I reading right now? “So Brave, Young and Handsome”. You could be forgiven for thinking that this is the authorial manifesto of one Michael Malone, but no, this is a novel by the excellent Leif Enger. He first came to my attention with the totally wonderful “Peace like a River” and when I saw this online I had to buy it. It’s set in the early 20th Century in a North America that is at last learning to deal with its more lawless citizens. Our hero is a writer of pulp fiction running dry of ideas after one big bestseller. Then he comes across an old man who wants to go find the only woman he ever loved. Her name was “Blue” and he was forced to leave her behind when the army were about to arrest him for a killing that happened during a train robbery in his youth. The romance of this man’s quest twinned with the romance of the dying Wild West convinces our hero to accompany him. The two men journey towards Mexico trying to trace Blue, but don’t realise that one Charles SIringo, a former Pinkerton detective is on their trail, determined to bring the only man who ever evaded him, to justice. This is a novel about forgiveness and acceptance with one man running away from his life and the other willing to do anything to face the consequences of his. Enger is an amazing writer, who writes with a truly original voice with a lyrical quality. Beautiful and heart-warming.
Do yourself a favour and read “Peace Like a River” as well. One of my favourite books of the last few years.
A stick insect masquerading as a female of the hominid species ran straight from her aerobic class at the gym tonight, into Subway. She was last seen with a bag of cookies attached to her face as if it was a nose bag. S’no fair. Bet she does that every night and stays skinny. It was all I could do to stop myself from shouting out of the window – ye might be skinny now, hen, but I bet your arteries are like the insides of my furry slippers.

And a final (two) words for the middle-aged man at the gym tonight wearing a too short t-shirt and a pair of budgie-smugglers, sorry, lycra cycling shorts. Gonnae no.

1 comment:

  1. Michael - glad you mentioned 'Peace Like a River'. It was given to me a few years ago and has lain on the shelf among the pile 'to be read'. At least I'll know it's worth reading now.

    And I agree with the Buffy comment.