Pub Golf

The things you learn on an afternoon/night out...

1. Binge drinking is not cool, it’s not smart and it’s not to be repeated. Until the next time. Having said that the whole British heavy drinking thing does worry me. If only everyone was a happy drunk then it would be fine, but alcohol fuels a whole set of issues that costs this country a fecking fortune. ‘Nuff said.

2. Pub Golf is not cool, it’s not smart and it’s never to be repeated. But just in case you were wondering, how it works is this...you set up a round of pubs. Each pub is a “hole” in a golf course. Each hole has a par. Par in this game relates to the number of sips you are allowed to take from your drink. Under par and you score low in the game – over par and you score high. The person with the lowest score wins. If they are still standing and if anybody else still cares.


3. Health and safety note - I am not recommending that any one out there tries this game.

4. But if you do...you’ll find that almost everyone drinks their glassful down in one. With the inevitable results.

5. Drinking lots does not make you sound any better when singing karaoke.


6. Drinking shots does not make you sound any better when singing karaoke.

7. Drinking everything in a one-er gets pretty boring so you end up with an extra drink in each round that you can sip while chatting (talking pish) with your pals.

8. Whisky burns twice as much coming back up the way it came down.

9. Walking home is Not A Good Idea when you live four miles away from the last pub. Especially when it is raining.

10. Drinking LOTS of water is A Good Idea before you go to sleep.

11. Getting up in the middle of the night because your head is spinning and standing out in the back garden with no clothes on, arms wide, mouth open to catch the raindrops also comes into the category of Not A Good Idea.

12. The next time I allow myself to be talked into such a night out I will prepare for the morning after by having the correct foodstuffs in the fridge to make a monster fry-up.

13. I read an article ages ago which mentioned that a few notable writers (e.g. Dylan Thomas) used to be wrecked when writing. It seems they wrote lots of good stuff while soaking their oesophagus in alcohol. I learned that this does not work for me. My characters all ended up talking like Yoda. “Innocent I am”, “A lovely day I am having.” This experiment is not to be repeated.

14. Sometimes you NEED to let it all hang out.

‘Nuff said.