May Contain News...

BERLIN, Germany:

A couple were called to court for causing a noise nuisance during a steamy – do the newspapers think we have any other kind? - sex session. The man defended himself saying: “It was totally normal sex, nothing exciting” –his partner gave him that look, said. “Thanks, that was nice!” and stormed out.


Spain:

After billions of years the Sun finally has an owner - a woman from Spain's region of Galicia said she had registered the star at a local notary public as being her property. What, there’s no Marks and Spencers?

Angeles Duran, 49, told the online edition of daily El Mundo she took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our Solar System.

There is an international agreement which states that no country may claim ownership of a planet or star, but it says nothing about individuals, she added.

"There was no snag,’ she explained herself. ‘I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."

And why not. I’m sure it will look lovely over her fireplace.



BOULDER, Colorado -- Your head is thumping, you're ravenously hungry and your house is littered with empty cans. Who you gonna call? Hangover Helpers.

Two University of Colorado graduates are kicking off a new business by that name in Boulder. They'll deliver breakfast burritos and Gatorade (whatever the feck that is) the morning after a party - AND clean up the mess.

The daily rag in Boulder reported that Marc Simons started cleaning party houses about a year ago for extra dollars and realized he'd found a niche.

In case you feel the need, and you are in the vicinity, they charge $15 per roommate. If you have a big house all to yourself, I’m guessing you’re in for a bargain.

Where were they when I was in my early twenties?



And now to the Far East...

Authorities in Cambodia warned men against do-it-yourself penis enlargement treatments, in the aftermath of a case in which a man committed suicide because of the side-effects of a botched enlargement attempt.

It appears this sad article had been injecting hair tonic into his own penis. The hair tonic was advertised as giving thicker and more lustrous hair. It did not have the same effect upon the man's penis. Instead, the injections caused massive, excruciating ulceration of the phallus.

This was apparently so agonising that he hanged himself to end the pain.

And they say men are penis obsessed and afraid to go to the doctors. Wonder where that notion comes from?



And back to those wacky Germans in Berlin:

A 64-year-old DIY enthusiast built a brick wall in his cellar in an attempt to seal it off and save on heating bills, BUT in a major moment of stupidity was on the wrong side of his wall when the last cemented brick was slotted into place.

Our wacky German was trapped in his man-made dungeon for two days before deciding to use a jackhammer on the OTHER wall. The one he didn’t build, that lead to his neighbour's home. He was so proud of his own handiwork he refused to disturb it and instead ruined his neighbour’s perfectly good – and well considered construction.

"Whoops, you might say," said a police spokesman. (They all talk like that in Germany. Except it may well be pronounced “Voops”.) Who was waiting on the other side of the wall to arrest him for disturbing the peace. And for pissing of his neighbour.