Wednesday, 17 June 2009
The Answer is...
Got home from work tonight. Had a cup of coffee. Paid the cleaner. Yes, I have a cleaner. I’ve decided the world of books deserves my attention more than my manky house does, so employing a cleaner allows me to devote a little more time to my work while keeping the environmental health from my door.
Cooked a meal – well took stuff out of a package and warmed it in the oven. Took some other stuff out of another package and stuck it in a microwave. Presto. A delicious and nutritious meal containing all the food groups. Again, all time saving life choices are being examined. I am, am I not, a slave to my work? Phoned a friend. Exchanged blethers. Arranged to meet.
Everything done that I needed to, I decided I should write some more of my book. Managed about five hundred words. Which is quite frankly, crap.
I’m at a tricky part of the book. It needs some historical details added. I have the research and the trouble with research is using it to give context to a novel rather than allowing what you feel are “the fascinating facts” to take over. When it does that section of the story reads like a report and becomes one of those bits that your reader skips over. I try to avoid writing those bits. So I have to use the research in a way that gives context, engages the reader and moves the story along. It’s all about “showing and not telling”, innit?
When faced with these conundrums I find that the best tactic is procrastination. I go and do something else and let the boys in the boiler room, ie my sub-conscious, come up with a solution. No, really.
That is a long and convoluted explanation for this blog... needing a distraction I was looking through some old emails and found a list of exam answers where the students, having not bothered to read the syllabus went for invention rather than accuracy in their answers. This either takes a certain kind of intelligence or a level of idiocy that is beyond even the most obtuse, grass-chewing village idiot.
1) Classical StudiesQuestion: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.Answer: Learning to speak Latin
2) BiologyQuestion: What is a fibula?Answer: A little lie
3) General StudiesQuestion: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them.Answer: How much TV do you watch?
4) Classical StudiesQuestion: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?Answer: Suspicious ones
5) BiologyQuestion: Give an example of a smoking-related diseaseAnswer: Early death
6) GeographyQuestion: What are the Pyramids?Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain
7) BiologyQuestion: What is a plasmid?Answer: A high definition television
8) EnglishQuestion: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy?Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.
9) GeographyQuestion: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to.Answer: Homeless
10) Religious StudiesQuestion: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?Answer: Monotony
11) BiologyQuestion: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for thisAnswer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit
12) PhysicsQuestion: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuelsAnswer: Fire
13) GeographyQuestion: Define the term "intensive farming".Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off.
14) MathsQuestion: Change 7/8 to a decimalAnswer: 7.8
15) GeographyQuestion: What does the term "lava" mean?Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
16) General StudiesQuestion: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone's life. Give two examples of unexpected life events.Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation
17) HistoryQuestion: What was introduced in the Children's Charter of 1908?Answer: Children
18) Business StudiesQuestion: Explain the word "wholesaler".Answer: Someone who sells you whole items - eg, a whole cake
19) GeographyQuestion: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?Answer: Malaria
20) GeographyQuestion:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas?Answer: The Sewage Canal
21) GeographyQuestion: Name one famous Greek landmark. Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse