Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Sex Lessons

I find that when I pick my son up from school and try to start off a conversation about his school day it goes something like this...
- How was school today?
- Fine.
- What happened? Anything exciting?
- Nuthin’
- Nothing happened all day?
- Nuthin’
- All day?
- Nuthin’

So sometimes I go for the silent approach hoping that whatever is going on in his mind will pop out. Tonight it went like this.
- Girls get periods, dad. And they’ve not to worry if they see blood down there.
- Oh. Right. You got told this today?
- Yup. (some giggles)
- What else did you learn?
- Welllll, if the penis (he makes an elaborate show of pointing at my groin)...
- I know where it is, son.
- (giggles) if the penis and the vagina ...he searches for the right word...collide
- Collide? (I’m giggling now)
- Some stuff comes out. Sperm. I can’t believe I got it wrong, dad (more giggles)
- Got what wrong? They test you on this stuff?
- Sperm gets made in your BALLS, dad. (He loves saying this word and says it at every opportunity). Each sperm is about the size of a grain of sand. And there’s MILLIONS of them. (I’m sure he’s now got an image of filling a sandpit from his penis.)
- You realise you don’t do these things until you’re in a committed relationship?
- Yuk (he blows a raspberry)Don’t worry, dad (he reaches over and pats my hand) I’m not doing that. Ever.


  1. Love it, Michael! It's a brilliant age for children, before they go to the big school and the realities of growing up.

  2. Michael that is hilarious! Don't worry the wee guy will soon teach you all he knows about the birds and the bees...or should that be the burds and the balls!!

    She who must not be named x

  3. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, Michael. Great conversation. Let's hear more of these exchanges between the two of you.

  4. Need to wait until something interesting happens, Bill. We're back onto the Wii and WWE.

  5. Made me laugh and worry about what I have in store as the father of two boys, aged 6 and 2. The first conversation is exactly the conversation I have with my eldest when I pick him up from school.

    Found you via the pitch party...following now.:)

  6. Good to have you on board, Dan. Isn't it scary how the kids pick up on the whole teenage attitude long before they're teenagers?