Friday, 5 June 2009

Life Lessons

As a parent I feel it is my duty to ensure that my son has a strong understanding of certain human concepts and how we each fit into society. One such human concept of keen importance I feel, is that of sharing. This quality is key to the human experience, particularly when chocolate is in the house.

We are of course talking sharing on the level of one to you, two to me.

This week’s lesson is being developed with the visual (yet rapidly vanishing) aid of an 8 pack of Cadbury’s Twirl. These have overtaken the firm family favourite of Maltesers for the moment. We had, I must admit a brief flirtation with Giant Buttons, but are now settling on Twirls.

By the way – Maltesers, The Lighter Way to Enjoy Chocolate? My fat hairy arse, not when you eat them in quantities that could fill a pillow. They should really warn you about that.

Which leads me onto an unfortunate side effect of eating chocolate in large quantities. ..
Who knew? look in the mirror and say to yourself, holy mars bars, Batman, you could do with losing ten pounds. Then someone you used to consider a friend sends you a photograph taken on their digital camera after a poetry reading (the work of Satan these cameras, if you ask me...the damn thing is there right in front of your eyes in seconds) and you think, Holy Cadbury's Clusters, Batman, scratch ten pounds, we’re talking twenty.

I really must go back to healthy eating. But who will carry on my teachings? The wee fella still hasn’t fully got the picture on this sharing malarkey.

It has just occurred to me that there is an additional lesson he needs to learn - how to cope with disappointment. When he comes round tomorrow, there isn’t a piece of chocolate left in the house.

He simply has to learn these things. It really is for his own good.

Ps. While I was writing this my TV was providing background music from a digital music channel. I was two minutes into “It’s Raining Men” by Geri Halliwell before I realised. I’m now off to scrub my eyes with vim and stick a pencil deep into each ear.


  1. You don't need one of those fancy html thingies - we cats just push a button on the bit that says your name. Not sure if it works for humans... miaou!

  2. Why didn't you tell me this when mine were that age? They've grown up thinking they're due more chocolate than I am! ~Miriam

  3. enough maltersers to fill a pillow!!!
    wow wow wow

    I loved the post and will be back!

  4. This is my kind of post. Having just polished off a 5 pack of Twirls, I will now have to go on a hunt for a mighty 8 pack.

    And how I wish my love of Giant Chocolate Buttons could be called a flirtation. Instead it's pure unadulterated, til death us do part lurve.

    Hi, from Jane's Pitch Party by the way:-)

  5. Oi. Parabéns pelo seu excelente blog. Gostaria de lhe convidar para visitar meu blog e conhecer um pouco de nossa luta contra o comunismo aqui no Brasil. Abração

  6. Wow Michael. You've gone International! A hit from Brasil ! I'm jealous hehe. But what does it say? I guess something like: 'you don't see in the mirror what others see'. Stop being so hard on yourself and keep eating the twirls :-)

  7. Great to have all these visitors - and Ros, I can't keep eating the twirls cos there's none left.

  8. i love sugar daddies - they are large caramel popsicles that will pull out your fillings. i didn't even think they made them anymore but i found them in a old fashioned candy store. only bought one. didn't want to test the tooth fairy fates. i'm all in favor of hiding the candy stash from the kiddies, michael!!

  9. May I tentartively recommend that you graduate to Peanut Butter Kit-Kat bars? Twirls are fine for a beginner but they don't have the subtle complexity of a PBKK or the lasting finish.
    And congrats on going global, young man.