Golden Balls Grows a BEARD

What’s been going on in the UK this week? Nothing much apart from David Beckham growing a beard, if a quick trawl of the news media is any judge. Beckham grows a furball and the UK media goes ape. (My beard comes and goes and not a peep, whassat all about?) Acktuuaally, if people would stop and look he often has a beard. It’s only that for this one he’s thrown away the trimmer so that he’s looking all wild man and unconstructed. In fact he’s an inch or two away from qualifying for the Taliban.

We’ve been subjected to feature articles, editorials and TV news features because Davie boy has a wiry bush obscuring his jaw line.

We’ve gone ape, I tell ya. I know I’ve complained about the state of the news in this country and how the word “news” is permanently and forever qualified by a silent “bad” in front of it, but please geezabreak. A multi-millionaire sportsman growing some face fuzz does not qualify as “good” news. Or “news” for that matter.

Ok, I get it. He’s talented and handsome, but do we need to have endless debate over every step the man takes? And just waits till we get to the World Cup...if he gets picked for the England squad...because then Beckham mania will really heat up. In previous World Cups we’ve had the Prime Minister issuing press releases about his concern for DB’s broken metatarsal. We also had people burning Beckham effigies after he got sent off during a game with (was it?) Argentina.

This is me wearing an expression that suggests I’m dumbfoonert.

Next summer in South Africa while the English media will force every Scot, Irish and Welshman to watch the soccer with the sound off, the newspapers will be full of every movement of Golden (I’m guessing shaved) Balls. Headlines to watch out for may include; Beckham Ties Shoelace in Shape of Posh’s Naughty Bits, Beckham Eats Prawns with the Heads On and Beckham is Getting A Brazilian Regardless of Which Team England Draw in their Group. That’ll be the broadsheets; wait to see what the tabloids conjure up.