Saturday, 24 October 2009

Hit an' Miss

*Listening to BBC Radio 2 on the way home – eesh, I’m getting old. Shirley Bassey was being interviewed before her big concert. They were discussing the lyrics to Diamonds Are Forever and in particular the lines...

“Hold one up and then caress it,

Touch it, stroke it and undress it”

Dame Shirl avowed that she had no idea what these words might have meant other than sheer enjoyment of the hard, shiny rocks. Aye. Right. And I’ve got a nice row of shiny buttons the length of my spine.

*To the Italian guy at the gym tonight. Get over yourself, Dude. If I ever see him on the street I fully expect to see him pushing (at just the right angle and with the correct lighting) a full length mirror on wheels.

*I always find it interesting to learn how people find this blog. Remember the one from Italy who found me by searching for “Hairy Man Showing Nuts”? A new one that had me smiling recently was less suggestive. “Mike Malone and Bill Clinton. “ ???? Nothing will be admitted to unless in the presence of a lawyer. However, I swear, no sex act was committed. (But I’ll never clean my suit.)

*I’m taking issue with George Bernard Shaw. It’s not youth that’s wasted on the young. It’s Spongebob Squarepants!

*What have I been entertaining myself with these days I hear you ask? You didn’t. Tough, I’m gonna tell you anyway.

Movies... (my local Blockbuster had a deal on 5 movies for £10, for a week. Being a cheapskate I couldn’t resist the bargain – here’s a sample of what I watched)

“Doubt” with Meryl Streep. Being an ex-convent boy this movie had a certain resonance for me. A quick run-down of the story...Streep was the heid-nun. She couldnae stand the new priest. This was the sixties and the world was changing too fast for her. She became convinced he was interfering with one of the boys. She did everything she could do discredit him. Without spoiling the ending...I like movies that let you make up your own mind. Back to Streep...did she win an Oscar for this? Freakin’ awesome performance. Utterly hypnotic.

“Sugar” – a film from the guy who made “Half-Nelson”. It was about young guys from the Dominican Republic who played baseball in an island academy for the big US baseball clubs. An understated, engaging movie that avoided the usual Hollywood clichés. Gentle pace and humour, well-observed interactions...touching. Excellent.

“Seven Pounds” – Will Smith acting his socks off. Man, was he good in this. Did he get an Oscar nod for this performance? Anywho, if you don’t shed a tear at this you should sell your heart to the nearest hardware store with a sticker on it reading “Breezeblock”. (You don’t even need to bother with anaesthetic because you clearly can’t feel anything you soul-less MF)


Incendiary by Chris Cleave...if there are any newbie writers reading this who are still wondering about “voice” do yourself a biggie and read this. And anything else by this guy. The narrator of this one is a woman from London who is writing a letter to Osama bin Laden after her husband and son were killed in bomb attack on London. The voice is consistent, authentic, humourous and moving. What’s impressive is that he manages a new completely different and hypnotic “voice” for each book. Jealous much? This is one of those all too rare books coming under the heading of “Literature” that is accessible and where you really do give a fuck about the characters. You can’t help falling in love with this woman (if you don’t see above comment about the breezeblock) and she’ll inhabit your thoughts until you finish that last page.


  1. Will Smith is one of those rare actors, underrated and capable of doing both funny and poignant parts. I've always been impressed by the relationship between him and his wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith.

    OAS,you know I love football, are you getting the Colts on TV from London today?

  2. Ok, did you choose your verification words? Mine was quel shyt. Sounds like an opinion to me.

  3. Hahaha. I like it. An opinion in franglais. As for the Colts; not a clue. Funny-shaped balls and all that.