Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Untethering the Goat

Ok. I’m up for a rant. That’s unlike me, huh? I’m usually the height of calm and reason. What’s got my goat? (Anybody know where that phrase comes from?) As usual, the British medya and in particular she with the unfeasibly large breasts (AKA Jordan) and her walkout from I’m a Celebrity Feed Me Some Kangaroo Testicles and Centipedes and Then Get Me Out of Here Once You’ve Got Enough Photos. Also untethering the goat is the reaction to the dismissal from the X-factor of the toneless twins, John and Edward. Or Jedward, as they are known.

Both of these subjects have gotten so much ink and air time that it has me itchy with irritation. Are we really so bereft of intelligence that these people are deemed to be “entertainment”. I’m not saying the airwaves and our newspapers should be full of discussions like Dostoyevsky Does Dickens; I’m all for a wee bit of fluff, but can we have entertainment from people that are good at what they do? Pretty please?

Comments about the twins I heard on the radio include the view that they were fun. No they weren’t. They were shit-on-my-scone awful. They danced as if one of them was born with two left feet and the other got the right ones. And they sang as if each time was the first time they’d heard real music. At best they were mediocre and if that’s where people find their “fun” then I suggest the twins were being laughed at rather than appreciated. Which is not nice, people.

One halfwit radio commentator on my local station opined that they were too clever; giving wildly sarcastic answers to any questions they were asked. Example. On their first audition when asked where they thought they might be in 15 years one of the twins answered, “eh ...older”. Unconscious humour, yes. Sarcasm, no. That was an honest answer from someone stuck in his own wee Jedworld who hadn’t given much thought beyond remembering the lyrics to whatever boy bland song they were singing and whether they had enough gel in their hair.

As for Jordan it seems she has dumped her boyfriend (Alex, the cage-fighter, if you can stop yawning long enough to be interested) after her time in the jungle reminded her of the time she spent in the there with Pete. Awww, bless. She walked out of the jungle because the public kept voting for her to do the gruesome tasks. And she was missing her kids. She was chosen for 5, or was it 6 (I’m reporting this second hand on account of the fact that I can’t be arsed watching this shite) of the challenges.

Comeuppance, anyone?

Actually, I’m starting to feel sorry for her. The web is full of vile comments about her. It’s starting to feel like bullying and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. Nobody died, people.

In truth it’s not Jordan/ Katie/ Whatever that bothers me. It’s the acres of space we have that allows people like her to build a career and a fortune based on nothing more than the (paid for) ability to fill a bra the size of a hammock and a skill for attracting attention. Again with the mediocrity.

Still, it’s a free world and I can chose not to watch her antics or read about her in the newspapers. I just wish more people were of the same mind. There is an OFF button. You can chose not to buy the magazine or newspaper with her on the cover.

Back to The Jungle and some other once-beens desperate to extend their 15 minutes.... what about the poor insects and the other critters used in this excuse for entertainment? Don’t they have rights? Just because they are not limited to a maximum of four legs (or have legs at all) and don’t come with a beguiling pair of eyes doesn’t mean they deserve to be dropped down the cleavage/ forced to crawl over the damp parts of an attention hungry (god I hate the word) celebrity. Just how many of them die in the making of this programme? I demand equality for the invertebrates!

Rant over. Goat tethered. For now.


  1. In terms of rants, it was a most reasonable and cogent one. And amusing. Though I hope you don't mind I was amused. Maybe I needed to scowl and nod and raise fist.

    But I laughed. In all the proper places, don't worry. Well to me anyway.

    Of course, living over in the USA, I'm not familiar with the programs you mentioned. But, we have some amazingly puerile ones ourselves.

    Happy that invertebrates have a paladin!

  2. And Breathe Mr Malone!!!

  3. Marisa, I'd rather you laughed. You can scowl later. And thanks for popping by.

    Anon (EW?)- take it as read, my breathing has returned to normal. It worked!

  4. i'm confused. don't know what it all means but i will fight for your right to be peevy anytime!!

  5. So long as you don't forget that goat has rights too, Mr Malone. Stop tying it up.

  6. It's rained where we are in Canada every day except four so far this month, and it's supposed to continue past the end of the month... it feels like Noah's ark will be floating by at any moment.

    I've been writing lots and not watching television, because even here there aren't many decent programs. Why is it there are so many of those ghastly reality shows and talentless talent shows if nobody really likes them? Is it because the masses are spineless invertebrates themselves and either have no opinion or else can't be bothered to speak up and complain about the lack of quality programming? That befuddles me.

    There! Now I've had a mini rant of my own. It doesn't measure up to yours, of course, but I'm Canadian after all so should be allowed a little leeway. ;)

  7. Carol, nice to hear from you. And doesn't it lighten your load to rant now and again!

  8. You find the craziest pictures!

    Love the rant and I'll add one - (at the risk of sounding like a prude) a not nearly talented enough artist who suddenly thinks he's so immediately popular that he can act however he wants on global TV and be even more popular! What a jerk! Not you... Adam Lambert. And I voted for the narcissist. Sorry, now I'll take a breath.

    Hold on, I'm not finished. Lady Gaga. People! This is a MUSIC awards show not private sex club! Ok, I'm done. Whew!

  9. Adam Lambert, he so pretty. Lady Gaga, she so ugly

  10. So Adam is trying to be outrageous to get noticed is he? Whatever happened to the guy that won? Kris something?

  11. Ho hum, I drag myself away from my usual daily analysis of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, switch off the Bartok concerto and dip into the blogosphere. Michael's upset again, but takes the edge off his rant by failing to include the statutory 'Phwoar' when he mentions Jordan's 'bra the size of a hammock', Gillian's goatophilia is as rampant as ever, and Marley's been upset by people I've never heard of.

    But I have to agree about the whole talentless celeb thing. Marina Hyde's written a funny but disturbing book about it all showing how even important, decision-making people seem to buy into it. We're doomed.

  12. I don't do "phwoar"s for Jordan. I prefer real to falsies. Gillian does worry me and at least Marley is keeping up with the times. Bartok, my arse.