Friday, 4 June 2010

Nut News June 2010

Ever worried about falling asleep on the bus or train? You have a night out, one or three too many and you miss your stop ending up in a strange place? Well spare a thought for a woman called Ginger McGuire who fell asleep in a plane.

The somnambulist fell asleep on a late-night United Express flight from Washington, D.C., to Philadelphia. She failed to wake up after the 50-passenger plane touched down at 12:27 a.m. local time and everyone else disembarked.

A cleaning crew eventually roused her, but she was kept locked in the plane until federal officers were satisfied that she was not a terrorist. They were clearly concerned that the latest terrorist tactic is making an ass of yourself.

Ginger, exhibiting that uniquely litigious bent that the American legal system supports is now suing for false imprisonment, infliction of emotional distress and negligence.

Just when you thought the anti-smoking campaign might be working, along comes a news story that proves otherwise. Ardi Rizal, aged two years, has a 40-per-day smoking habit. His mother has tried to get him to stop, especially since the government has offered to buy the family a new car once the child quits, but she says he is entirely too addicted. His father, on the other hand, doesn't see any problem - "He looks pretty healthy to me..." In the meantime, Ardi's health is such that he can't run around and play with the other kids. Instead he rides around on a plastic toy truck while puffing away, looking like a parody of a middle-aged truck driver.

In other news, it turns out that that a guy who exposed his own Social Security Number in his promotional material in order to sell his "LifeLock" identity-protection service has--oops!--had his identity stolen at least 13 times since he started advertising it, but hey, customers keep coming, at $10-$15 a month.

And this one’s for Thea – how’s the new job? - last Week in Texas . . . lawyer Carolyn Barnes, 53, was jailed for allegedly firing five shots toward a U.S. Census worker who didn't leave her property fast enough. Her plea in mitigation was: "I've been practicing law since 1984, and I haven't shot anybody yet ..." Oh, well, that’s ok then.


  1. actually, i'm good at getting blood from rocks. this may lead to a new career as either a spy, private eye, or actress. at each new house, new story. got invited in for wine, beer, 'drinks', dinner (i accepted and it was divine and even got a doggie bag), offered to wash my hands, want to know all about the job, know more now about the 'real' muslim religion then ever before because they wanted me to know, made a friend with a newly arrived afghan woman, got the scoop on all the crazy neighbors, shilled for my garden club's nominations for garden of the year award (i saw a lot of neat gardens)and for some reason all the kids stopped crying when i came into their house. wearing pearls helps. in general, people are wonderful. i have been told to get out and never come back ( twice) but no shotguns...yet

  2. p.s. i saw that smokin baby on tv tonite. omgosh. confession, i smoked cigarettes when i was like under 2. my uncles were babysitting and they thought it was funny that i could blow smoke out my nose. not sure my mother ever found out. but one day she took me with her to a hospital and some guy threw his cigarette on the ground still lighted, and i went and picked it up and started smoking it. well, my mother freaked out. (i think it was the Don Draper era) just one of the many incidents that made me the way i am. perhaps i may contain nuts....

  3. Thea - you made me laugh with the smoking.And what a nice neighbourhood you have. maybe I need to look out me pearls

  4. wonder if I could sue the whole world for emotional distress and negligence? I've always felt kinda imprisoned in this country of mine :)

  5. The lawsuit thing just gets me. A guy I know just had a quadruple bypass and I knew before he got out of the Veterans hospital he'd have figured out a way to sue the government. He's so predictable.

    Thea, Yikes. The rednecks down here think the census is a conspiracy by the 'party in power' to identify survivalists and tea party members. They'll definitely sic the dogs on ya.

  6. No where is perfect, eh Dezmond?

    Martie, it must be difficult not to when everyone else is at it. And sadly, we're heading that way here in the UK.

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  8. Love the smoking toddler story.

    Reading Thea's experiences makes me feel I'm only living half a life.

    As for the lawsuit culture, it totally supports my conviction that everything is absurd. From a friend in Florida I heard of a woman there who drove off with the windscreen shield (you know, the one you put up to keep the sun off the steering wheel, etc.) still in place and crashed. She sued the shield manufacturers and, apparently, the item now carries the message 'Please remove before driving' on it. It may be apocryphal but it probably isn't.